I am engaged, so this really isn't my MIL, but it is easier to type MIL than "fiance's mother." And we have been together for 8 years, so they feel like family.
On Thursday, we went to a Thanksgiving get-together for my MIL's side of the family. No one had met Sally (4 mos) yet at all. I had sent them all birth announcements when she was born and in that picture, her arm was wrapped up because she had an IV in. I don't know how many people noticed it.
Anyway, everyone asked about her and how big she was when she was born and how long I was in labor and all of the usual questions. I told several people that she had pneumonia and had to stay in the hospital for 9 days on antibiotics and oxygen. I didn't make a big deal about it, but they were asking me about things like, "How much did she weigh when you brought her home?" and "Was the first week really tough?" Plus, why can't I say this? From my knowledge, I don't think my MIL was around to hear any of these conversations.
So I was talking to her brother and he was telling me about his babies and how his son was in a incubator and everything. I was also talking about Sally and how they diagnosed her. It was very much a two way conversation. My MIL comes walking up and says, "Oh, Katie just thinks she's the only person in the world to ever have a baby!" She was smiling and kind of giggled at the end. When we didn't really say anything, she said, "She's just so proud of her." I said, "Well, I should be, she's great."
WTF? Afterwards, she kept looking back at me to see if I was mad or something. But here's the thing. Her daughter (my SIL) had a son 3 days after Sally. They live with my MIL, so she sees him all the time. She only sees Sally about once a month. I ask about him all the time. They NEVER grace us with their presence at family functions. I haven't seen him since he was 6 weeks old and I had just mentioned my disappointment in not being able to see him right before she said this.
My poor fiance said that he thinks it was rude but maybe she meant it in a more positive way, like I am just really proud of Sally. But he doesn't understand half the things she does anyway. And I found out today that she is trying to quit smoking and had not smoked since Tuesday. She already usually speaks before thinking, so this could exaggerate the problem.
I'm not trying to make excuses for her. We just don't see eye to eye. We have completely different personalities and will never really "get" each other.
How would you have taken this?
gawd...she sounds like a total ******.
I would have taken it as a "I can't believe she's still talking about that baby. For crying out loud, she had a baby, now stop talking about labor, delivery, the hospital, and about how it all ways. It's over, so stop talking about it". In your situation, I would have been upset. I understand some people just continually talk about their labor and delivery and the first few weeks, even to friends and family who were there, who have heard all about it before, and who don't want to hear it again, and I think her comment would have been appropriate in that situation, *but*, that was not your situation.
You were having an honest conversation with everyone about things they didn't know before and wanted to know, and you were well within your "rights" to do so. Maybe she was just upset because all of the attention was on you and your baby instead of her (and her food?).
I think I would have taken it the same way I took my mom on Thanksgiving. My 19 month old was getting tired and fussy and was upset that he couldn't play with the camera and laptop, so he started crying. My mom did her wonderful yet annoying grandma thing: "Oh, let me take him. Give him to me." What? He isn't happy, he is throwing a tantrum, and she thinks she has some magical powers that will make him better? Uggh! If he's throwing a fit it is because he is upset, not because he wants Grandma or doesn't want us. I Am Bored - Sites for when you're bored.::
Are you bored? I-Am-Bored.com lists places to go when you are feeling bored.
http://www.i-am-bored.com/HOME |
I would react the same way you did...when my future FIL's mom found out that we were having a baby she said "I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU LET THAT GIRL SHACK UP WITH YOUR SON"
We were engaged for 5 months before I got pregnant...I was 18 and he was 20, so it really wasn't any of her business anyways.
She said other things too...my fiance/hubby was my first but she made it sound like I was a complete wh*re
Don't make it a big thing she probably didn't mean anything by it. Most of the time its an insecurity issue (that since you took her baby son) she thinks she has to be defensive. Don't take it personally.
My mil is horrible if she only did what your mil did I'd be happy. See when my daughter was recently born she kept making comments like "oh i better hug her because God knows when I will see her again" incinuiating that we never visit. then I politely asked them to wash their hands they freaked out and left all offended. I was like good riddance but I felt bad for my husband. Mil's are those no win-win situations so its just better to be positive and try to keep things chummy for the sake of your baby and husband.
I would ignore. If a person is stupid and jelous you can't change them, they will always make comments and faces
I ignore my mother in law
Definitely rude. She may have been extra irritable because of the nicotine withdrawal but that doesn't make it any easier for you. It sounds like you're better off if your MIL doesn't visit very often!
The I Ching, Legge tr. Index::
Complete text of the Legge translation of the I Ching (Vol. 16 of the Sacred Books of the East).
http://www.sacred-texts.com/ich/index.htmHOME |
Title I - Improving The Academic Achievement Of The Disadvantaged::
Sep 15, 2004 Title I - Improving The Academic Achievement Of The Disadvantaged. Title I of the Elementary and Secondary Education Act of 1965 (20
http://www2.ed.gov/policy/elsec/leg/esea02/pg1.htmlHOME |
Congrats on your baby girl!!
I would have taken it the same way you did. That was rude, and she was out of line. I pray that I won't be a monster in law to my son's girlfriends...wives when they are older.
well that's nice of you that you are trying to not take it the negative way, but I would of taken it the same way you did. So dont feel bad. You have every right to be proud of your daughter and dont let anybody or statement make you feel bad.
I would just try and let it go, you said yourself that she doesnt think before she says things.
I'd react the same as you did! (Although i'd probably would have said something rude back, I find it hard to bite my tongue sometimes..). You were being asked questions about Sally so what are you going to do - ignore them?! Her giving up smoking isn't really much of an excuse for coming out with something like that! Maybe it's a good thing you don't see her very often lol.
Wow. That totally sounds like something my mil would say. She may have meant it in a friendly joking way, or it could have been half serious. I don't know. But it's definitely something you shouldn't worry too much about. I'm learning the hard way that I just need to let my mil's weird comments slide. And when she does say something that is clearly wrong, I need to let her know it's not ok. But yeah, my mil says weird snarky, half friendly remarks all the time. For ex. Once she said in a sweet little voice to my son, "I love you more than your mom does". Oh man, I was so pissed at her for that. And I didn't say anything. If she said it now, I'd definitely let her know how hurtful a comment like that can be, even if she was joking.
Hehehe! That could be funny. Report Abuse
I can see why the comment annoyed you, particularly since your MIL should understand how sensitive we can feel and how hormones rage so soon after having a baby. However, it sounds to me like you're overreacting just a bit. You said you two will "never really 'get' each other." Evidently, she has a weird sense of humor and isn't always tactful about it, based on what you've said. It sounds to me like this was yet another lame attempt at humor that didn't go over well, so she probably kept looking at you since it was awkward. So if I were you, I wouldn't make a big deal out of this; she could be a lot worse (for instance, she could try to usurp your authority as a mother like some of my relatives try to do!). As long as you and your fiance are aware of how she can be, however, I say you should both be on guard and be prepared to politely straighten her out if she says anything overtly offensive in the future. In my time as a new mother, I have quickly had to learn that many relatives make so many uncouth comments, and I have had to as a result learn which ones to ignore because they aren't worth my energy disputing, and which commenters I need to politely put in their place. It's an acquired skill...
I wish I had a more positive outlook to present you, but...welcome to parenthood and the plethora of stupid comments you'll get about what you do and how you are as a parent. Otherwise, being a mom is wonderful!!!
Remember, when you marry him, you marry the family. I have to agree with Phat Woman..yikes! (that babby is darling btw!)
I probably would have taken it the same way. I hate when people do things like that.
 Where was the last debate on wednesday with Mccain and Obama?
 INSTANCE / WAITING FOR SPRING
|
I'm trying to see this comment in a positive light, but... (MIL issues) Your take?